April 20, 2009

Divorce on the Autism Spectrum.

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The odds of a couple living in marital bliss aren’t as high when you’re living with autism.  Reports have stated that the divorce rate is a staggering 80%.

Some would say that the diagnosis is too overwhelming while others say that the marriage foundation wasn’t solid to begin with, and autism was the catalyst to “part ways”.

My situation doesn’t fall into either category as I was a single mother for years before I met my husband, and I was not married to his biological father.  Although, we have not been married long, we have, nonetheless, come to an impasse.

Being strong-minded and independent, I know that I will get through this.

But…

I am still emotionally torn because death comes in many forms.  We’re not just a body.  We are alive mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.

Explaining divorce to a NT child is difficult enough, but how does one explain it to a child with autism or any other “developmental disability”?

My son awoke this morning, looking for my husband, and I could see the tears welling up in his eyes.  He may not be able to express his feelings verbally, but his emotions say a mouthful.

He is highly intuitive and extremely energy sensitive, and I know this transition will be difficult for him, even though he typically does well with change.

My son does not know his father, so when my husband stepped up to the plate, Nicholas took to him right away.  They are very close.  My husband has gone from being “Andrew” to “Papi (Spanish name for Dad)”.

Nicholas follows him around as much as he follows me.  They are friends.

I do not have the words to explain our situation to him right now, but I am confident that they will come to me in the days ahead.

Being a stay-at-home, homeschooling mom, I have felt the winds of change blowing all over my world for some time now.  So, I am not shocked that I am here… right now.

I believe if I hadn’t embarked on a spiritual journey to heal from past pain and better myself, I would be reverting to old thinking to get through this.

The old me would be beyond panicked and angry right now, but I am somewhat surprised at the incredible calm that has come over me.  It’s like there is this knowingness deep inside me.  A knowingness that just knows everything is working out for not only my highest good, but the highest good for all.

The old me would not be feeling the emotions.  The old me would not be shedding the tears, and verbalizing my discomfort without getting enraged.

The old me would be giving in to the fear.

I know that all of us will heal from this ending, and I also know that all of the negative emotions that plagued my marriage are behind me.

I have no regrets; I am no longer angry; and I have let go of the resentment.

I feel hopeful and at peace with the days to come.

“This too shall pass.”

 

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