March 12, 2012

“I should have aborted you.”

Reading Time: 3 minutes

As a mother to one of the MOST amazing people I have ever known, I cannot even fathom thinking the words on this post’s title, let alone stating them out loud –in a court of law, or anywhere else. Yet, Ariel and Deborah Levy did just that.

Now, before you jump all over me… hear me out.

When it comes to the choices in my life, I made them, and I have zero regrets. I’m here, living this life, as a result of all of them… and I am immensely grateful. I am also a special needs mom… a label, no matter how you slice it, is one that I will proudly wear until I leave this earth.

With that said, I am really trying to wrap my mind over this whole situation. Trying to find meaning in how parents can claim to love a child, yet win a $2.9 million lawsuit that declares her as being a wrongful birth. Perhaps, I am searching superficially for said meaning. Perhaps, I am too wrapped up in the wonder of my own life… too wrapped up in the gifts that I have received as a result of giving birth to a child who was later diagnosed with Autism. Or perhaps, I just have some sick and twisted need to bitch about something.

Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps.

BUT… I am an advocate, and defending people who cannot defend themselves is what I do. I am not seeking praise, nor admiration… this is just a HUGE part of who I am.

Eugenics is something I will never understand, and it has gotten out of control. Down Syndrome has always been at the top of the list when it came to mothers aborting, but soon after, Autism joined that “prestigious” group of lives not worthy of living.

Where does it end? Will we soon look at anyone, who doesn’t fit nicely into our cookie cutter way of life, as being less than? Will more and more parents make this choice without hesitation as if they were picking out vitamins at the local shoppe?

Is this how we view life? As if only “normal people” are Grade A Prime USDA because this one over here doesn’t rank, so we call “do-over”?

Okay, now that I’ve touched on the whole right to choose issue, I’d like to share something personal with you…

Here’s a story…

Sixteen years ago, I had an abortion, and that decision had me so riddled with guilt and shame that I deemed myself unworthy of ever getting pregnant again. However, something amazing happened. Three years to the date of when that child would have been born, I conceived my Prince… and there wasn’t anything in the world that would have made me NOT bring him into this world! I knew, without a shred of doubt, that this child had something to teach me, which is why he came around for a second go.

And my son has taught me so many incredible things about myself.  Through him, I have learned a lot about how I wasn’t loving myself, which grossly affected how I was “loving” others. I also learned to dissolve the walls around my heart, and let people in. And through his eyes, I saw that love is only love when there are no conditions.

So, beautiful Kalanit… as I look into your amazing and beautiful eyes… know that I see you. I see the spark of Light and incredible gift that you are for the world. Thank YOU for coming into this world, and showing humanity more ways in which we can be accepting and loving towards one another!

Because to me… there will never be anything wrong about your birth.

(Just saw this comment on Facebook, “Ariel and Deborah, huh. I’m assuming these two “parents” are both women. Another reason to fight against gay marriage.” OMFG! REALLY, people?!?!? {sighs})

POST PUBLISH DATE: May 12, 2012

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