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May 21, 2015

When The Body Deva Feels Unsafe

I recently acquired about 7 pounds on my body that literally sent me in a frickin’ tailspin! Why? Over the past few months, I have made significant changes to my diet. My meat consumption is almost non-existent. I’d call myself a Vegan if it wasn’t for the fact that I still loves me some Pepper Jack cheese (made from moo moo boob juice). Yeah baby!

You can see why gaining weight simply didn’t make any sense. If anything, I should be “skinny” because my caloric intake is at a really healthy level.

I will also say that I have also finally stepped through the Crone (menopause) portal. YAY! (I had been perimenopausal for the past 10 years. OY!)

Now, I hear what you’re saying. You believe that it’s this “last stage” of my physical life that has created the shift. However, I recently learned that it was so much more.

Once I got out of the tailspin, I decided to tune in to my body like never before. The frequency of sadness was overwhelming… and it ran deep.

I then took a long hard look at my life.

What I allowed myself to see was I have kept to myself… a lot.

My most recent need for privacy stems from the house-sharing experiences of the past 3 years.  Those experiences were challenging on every level. [In May 2012, I received a nudge that led me on a most interesting journey. One that had to do with sharing intimate space with others, even though, I did not realize this at the time. The three homes I shared brought up a lot of pent up emotion.  All in all, I am deeply grateful for every trigger… and every mirror that helped them rise to the surface for acknowledgement, healing and/or release.]

The peace I have been experiencing now that I am, once again, in my own space has been beyond amazing… and well-earned. Yet, it would seem that my need to be alone has come from something I had yet to acknowledge.

My physical world “appeared” peaceful.  However, not all of the ways that I perceive the physical world were receiving the same message of peace.

The sadness was there because I simply did not feel safe at the physical level.  On the outside, my attitude is liken to a pillar of strength. People come to me because I exude strength, even when I may not be feeling strong in that moment.

Like MANY highly sensitive people, I (subconsciously) put on weight to protect myself, which seems counter-intuitive, I know.  I’ve gained weight in almost every relationship (romantic and platonic).

Creating more density to protect myself from density. How ironic.

Usually, when it’s just my son and me, I’m “thinner”. Not this time. It would seem I have been ignoring a message that I really needed to hear.

Through recent years, I’ve come to embrace the knowing that there is always an opportunity for growth (because resisting this knowing sucked big time).

Prior to moving to Vegas, I knew a huge opportunity awaited me.  I just didn’t know what it would be or how it would present itself.

Enter the “extra” weight wagon! {gasping for air}

[SIDEBAR: The last time I was in Vegas was 21 years ago, and it involved a pole. ’nuff said! 😉 ]

This city can be a lot for someone to handle. I allowed it to “get to me” the last time I was here.

People visit it from all over the world in hopes of getting lucky… either financially (gambling) or sexually (prostitution [in some counties outside of Vegas] or seriously thick beer goggles).

Like New York… Vegas never sleeps!

So, what is an empath to do?  I did the only thing that made sense. I gave myself a hug.

In that moment, I felt my body deva breathe a sigh of relief.

In that moment, I realized that I had forgotten to love the very thing that allows me to be in this physical life.

Eating healthy and working out doesn’t always equate to love. Oftentimes, these things are done out of obligation, and I had treated my body deva as if it was an obligation, instead of the incredible vessel that it is.

As I continued to hug my body deva…

I told myself how much I love me… all of me!

I told myself how much I appreciate me!

I told myself how grateful I am for me!

I realize now the importance of offering love to my body deva on a daily basis, and I learned that nothing in life deserves to be ignored.

How are you treating YOUR body deva? <3

“When your body connects with its higher dimensional self, it
is able to heal and balance itself more easily.”
Aleya Dao

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